I started this blog in an attempt to save the broken and wounded souls who felt their sin was just too much for God so they didn't feel comfortable going to church. I wanted them to read my words and know that God is with you all the time and He only wants the very best for you.
Over time I have felt the need to write about God even when I was overwhelmed with life and not feeling 100% like myself. This was a message I received from the Holy Spirit when I would say to myself that my heart wasn't ready to write. I would hear Him say to me that this is exactly when you need to write because not every day is about rainbows and sunshine. Some days are about thunderstorms and lightening and you have to be real.
Over time I have read the words that I have written on dark days and they inspire me so much. Just knowing how accessible God is to me, and that He walks every step with me are comforting. I look back on my life and I see this clear path that He has drawn for my life and I'm so grateful. And guess what its only mine. No one else can walk this path. I think about how different my life would be if just one tiny thing were different and this is how I know that this life I am living is no accident. Not even a single breath of mine has been an accident.
Recently I was contemplating not writing anymore in my blog because I don't publish it and no one really knows its here, so I thought what's the point really. I was about to reach out and ask a friend, but again I got this message that said..."you already know the answer to this". So here I am still writing and still loving God for giving me this clear message and another clear path.
Some day I will publish my blog. Some day I might save someone. Maybe I already have. But I don't need recognition for this. I don't need accolades. I would love to hear their story, but I won't seek it out. I just feel so encouraged by God to continue this journey and to write about it so that's what I'm going to continue to do.
Today on the way to work I heard the most amazing song and it was like God was SHAKING me in my seat. It woke me up and brought tears to my eyes. It was the Newsboys, We Believe and here are the lyrics:
In this time of desperation
When all we know is doubt and fear
There is only one foundation
We believe, we believe
We believe in God the Father
We believe in Jesus Christ
We believe in the Holy Spirit
And He's given us new life
We believe in the Crucifixion
We believe that He conquered death
We believe in the resurrection
And He's coming back again
We believe
So, let our faith be more than anthems
Greater than the songs we sing
And in our weakness and temptations
We believe, we believe
When the chorus came on I was just moved to my core and my dear friends these are the moments I live for.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Moving Forward in Faith
It is impossible to explain God. It can't be done. It is even more impossible to explain Him to someone who doesn't believe in the first place. I was once at an air port when someone approached me to minister to me about God. I didn't tell him I was already a believer because I wanted to hear what he had to say. I kept throwing things at him and asking him why this and why that and to be honest his answers were weak. If I didn't already believe, he would never have convinced me that God existed. He was ministering to me and already my faith was stronger than his.
This happens to me a lot. I question why do you have to say the same prayer over and over and over again. Did God not hear you the first time? Was your faith not strong enough? I think if you ask God for something and believe He heard you, you shouldn't have to keep praying the same prayer over and over and over again. If you ask Google this question "Why do I have to pray over and over the same prayer" you will get 168,000,000 results. WOW! Seems like a lot of other people have had this same question and the answer is that if it makes you feel better to pray the same thing over and over again then do it. We are human. And its our nature to want something so bad that we just keep praying for it, like I prayed to God when my baby was sick. Nothing else in the world mattered to me, so I prayed and prayed until I was sure God was sick to death of me. And He fixed her.
The reality is that I shouldn't have to explain God to anyone. I shouldn't have to site examples for why evolution was part of God's plan. I shouldn't have to point out that if it was just about procreation, then why do we feel pleasure or ask why would we evolve to love? What separates humans from animals? Scientifically you could attempt to answer many of these questions, but in the end you would still fail to explain to me why this is all not part of God's plan. Its just a matter of faith and recognizing that God is so much bigger than we could ever comprehend. So why try to explain Him at all?
There are times in my life when I feel far from God and I don't like that feeling at all. There have certainly been times in my life when I used God or attempted to use my belief in Him and I was not glorifying Him at all and this thought just destroys me now. Looking back all I can say is that I'm sorry. God knows my heart. He created it. And He knew I would be back. I'm not going to sit around and beat myself up for those times. All I can do is move forward in faith. I know God has a plan for my life, so I'm going to do my best to glorify Him and try to figure out what that looks like for me. So far all I know is that I can be close to God without being in church or listening to sermons. I can minister to others through my actions and my words and I can be steadfast in my faith which also ministers to others.
I don't know what tomorrow looks like. I could find a pastor or church home or I could even marry one. Only God knows what my future holds and I trust Him! And to be really honest, I don't care what my future looks like. All I care about is that God is in it!
Lord I pray that instead of trying to explain God, that people might just try to find you instead. In the simplest places or moments in their lives. Lord please never leave my heart because without You I am nothing. You are my shepherd. You are my king. You are my everything Lord and I love you with all my heart. Amen.
This happens to me a lot. I question why do you have to say the same prayer over and over and over again. Did God not hear you the first time? Was your faith not strong enough? I think if you ask God for something and believe He heard you, you shouldn't have to keep praying the same prayer over and over and over again. If you ask Google this question "Why do I have to pray over and over the same prayer" you will get 168,000,000 results. WOW! Seems like a lot of other people have had this same question and the answer is that if it makes you feel better to pray the same thing over and over again then do it. We are human. And its our nature to want something so bad that we just keep praying for it, like I prayed to God when my baby was sick. Nothing else in the world mattered to me, so I prayed and prayed until I was sure God was sick to death of me. And He fixed her.
The reality is that I shouldn't have to explain God to anyone. I shouldn't have to site examples for why evolution was part of God's plan. I shouldn't have to point out that if it was just about procreation, then why do we feel pleasure or ask why would we evolve to love? What separates humans from animals? Scientifically you could attempt to answer many of these questions, but in the end you would still fail to explain to me why this is all not part of God's plan. Its just a matter of faith and recognizing that God is so much bigger than we could ever comprehend. So why try to explain Him at all?
There are times in my life when I feel far from God and I don't like that feeling at all. There have certainly been times in my life when I used God or attempted to use my belief in Him and I was not glorifying Him at all and this thought just destroys me now. Looking back all I can say is that I'm sorry. God knows my heart. He created it. And He knew I would be back. I'm not going to sit around and beat myself up for those times. All I can do is move forward in faith. I know God has a plan for my life, so I'm going to do my best to glorify Him and try to figure out what that looks like for me. So far all I know is that I can be close to God without being in church or listening to sermons. I can minister to others through my actions and my words and I can be steadfast in my faith which also ministers to others.
I don't know what tomorrow looks like. I could find a pastor or church home or I could even marry one. Only God knows what my future holds and I trust Him! And to be really honest, I don't care what my future looks like. All I care about is that God is in it!
Lord I pray that instead of trying to explain God, that people might just try to find you instead. In the simplest places or moments in their lives. Lord please never leave my heart because without You I am nothing. You are my shepherd. You are my king. You are my everything Lord and I love you with all my heart. Amen.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Reinventing Worship
Have you ever been in church surrounded by a bunch of believers and the pastor starts his sermon and you feel like you are alone in the room with just him and he is talking just to you? That's not really the pastor, that's the holy spirit talking to you through the pastor. What if I told you that you could have that same feeling without stepping into a church or listening to another pastor again for the rest of your life?
You see you don't need all of that in order to feel close to the holy spirit. You just need to still yourself and connect. Sometimes a song speaks to you, or the wind or sometimes when you are working out you feel elevated. There are so many times that you are connecting with your Maker or have the opportunity to do so and you don't do it. Maybe you don't even realize you can, but I'm telling you that you can. You don't have to go to church and you don't have to be surrounded by a bunch of believers and you don't need a pastor who is probably as flawed as you are in order for you to connect to God. Imagine what would happen if word got out that this was possible???
I don't take many things at face value. I research things. I do my due diligence. I try to get differing opinions on things, I don't just settle for someone else's word. I want to know that I've done all I could to find the truth. The real answers. Not just what some well-meaning person thought I needed or wanted to hear or learn. I guess that's probably why I hated school so much. I just couldn't understand why in the world all that stupid stuff mattered. Math I could understand. I use math. English of course, but the rest of it? YUK!
So I guess when it comes to worship I can't just take someone's word for what I should be doing. Why should I listen to how someone else is interpreting scriptures? How do I know their interpretation is right? Its the same reason I research from a lot of different translations of the bible. I want to see how more than one person interpreted those words, not just one or two.
The bible is a book of lessons; a guide for how we should live our lives. But its not even written in English so to trust that this text was translated properly and taught properly in so many different seminary schools is dangerous. And the fact is that it is so much easier to sit in the pews of the THOUSANDS of churches in this country and do nothing but daydream and think that you've done your part or your own due diligence. I'm telling you that you are wrong.
A few years ago I posted something on Facebook about drinking. A former friend of mine responded saying he couldn't believe I was a Christian and drank and gave me about 10 scriptures that backed up his statement. So I researched them. I looked at the entire passage before and after every single passage and it was easy to see why he would jump to conclusions thinking that the bible says not to drink, but it was equally easy to see why those same passages had nothing to do with drinking at all. I responded with a very long winded dissertation pretty much telling him that gluttony too was a sin according to many of those same scriptures and he was overweight, but that was completely lost on him.
I think we need to reinvent worship. I think we need to find ways to connect to Christ regardless of where we are and I think we need to stop putting the responsibility of our salvation on another human being and simply seek out our Maker. Every day. Not just Sundays. Not just Easter and Christmas and not just when you are at your lowest point and have no where to turn. God deserves so much more than all of that. Seek out the real truth in the scriptures and don't just blindly follow along because everyone else does it. It is a much more difficult path to take, but nothing in life that is worthwhile ever comes easy. Why should this?
You see you don't need all of that in order to feel close to the holy spirit. You just need to still yourself and connect. Sometimes a song speaks to you, or the wind or sometimes when you are working out you feel elevated. There are so many times that you are connecting with your Maker or have the opportunity to do so and you don't do it. Maybe you don't even realize you can, but I'm telling you that you can. You don't have to go to church and you don't have to be surrounded by a bunch of believers and you don't need a pastor who is probably as flawed as you are in order for you to connect to God. Imagine what would happen if word got out that this was possible???
I don't take many things at face value. I research things. I do my due diligence. I try to get differing opinions on things, I don't just settle for someone else's word. I want to know that I've done all I could to find the truth. The real answers. Not just what some well-meaning person thought I needed or wanted to hear or learn. I guess that's probably why I hated school so much. I just couldn't understand why in the world all that stupid stuff mattered. Math I could understand. I use math. English of course, but the rest of it? YUK!
So I guess when it comes to worship I can't just take someone's word for what I should be doing. Why should I listen to how someone else is interpreting scriptures? How do I know their interpretation is right? Its the same reason I research from a lot of different translations of the bible. I want to see how more than one person interpreted those words, not just one or two.
The bible is a book of lessons; a guide for how we should live our lives. But its not even written in English so to trust that this text was translated properly and taught properly in so many different seminary schools is dangerous. And the fact is that it is so much easier to sit in the pews of the THOUSANDS of churches in this country and do nothing but daydream and think that you've done your part or your own due diligence. I'm telling you that you are wrong.
A few years ago I posted something on Facebook about drinking. A former friend of mine responded saying he couldn't believe I was a Christian and drank and gave me about 10 scriptures that backed up his statement. So I researched them. I looked at the entire passage before and after every single passage and it was easy to see why he would jump to conclusions thinking that the bible says not to drink, but it was equally easy to see why those same passages had nothing to do with drinking at all. I responded with a very long winded dissertation pretty much telling him that gluttony too was a sin according to many of those same scriptures and he was overweight, but that was completely lost on him.
I think we need to reinvent worship. I think we need to find ways to connect to Christ regardless of where we are and I think we need to stop putting the responsibility of our salvation on another human being and simply seek out our Maker. Every day. Not just Sundays. Not just Easter and Christmas and not just when you are at your lowest point and have no where to turn. God deserves so much more than all of that. Seek out the real truth in the scriptures and don't just blindly follow along because everyone else does it. It is a much more difficult path to take, but nothing in life that is worthwhile ever comes easy. Why should this?
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Faith Is All You Need
I woke up today thinking of the new doctor I'm going to call for mom. I am not fond of her current doctor at all and this one seems to really have a heart for old people. I hope they will have an opening.
Not long after having that thought I thanked God for putting me in a job where my boss is so flexible that I can take mom where I need to. I work really hard for my company. I give up a lot of holidays and weekends and I work hard. Its all I know. Its what my sweet daddy taught me and one of the perks for working hard is something much more valuable to me than money right now. Flexibility. God did that though. I didn't know 5 years ago that I would be in a situation where I would need flexibility, but God did.
This year has been rough for me. Filled with unhappiness and me not worshipping the way I love to worship, by giving back. And that makes me so sad. I miss the Lord's daily presence in my life. I miss praying to Him and spending time with Him. These are things I have control of and yet I fall short. And it takes watching an episode of Preacher's of LA for me to realize this. God is always there. Always around me. He made me realize that He missed me too at that very moment.
I love that song, I'm coming back to the heart of worship. It always makes me feel good. I'm singing it right now with my terrible voice.
So back to Jesus. Financially this has been a rough year too, but I always just give that to God because I can't sit around and worry about my finances, however I have been worried sick about my finances. I needed a new windshield, new pool pump, filter and pool sweeper and I needed my trees trimmed badly. That's $3000 gone. And I don't save for a rainy day. I just have faith that God will work it out for me. And guess what. He did it again. He worked it out for me. I had the money I needed when I needed it because He knows when I have money I will give it to someone else who needs it when He calls me to do so.
So let's recap. I've been a terrible daughter in Christ. I haven't prayed, I've missed my King. I have been consumed with work because that helps me not think of my unhappiness. And the result was that God was still here, still loving me, still walking with me and still helping me through it all. His faith in ME is more than I deserve, but I'm so thankful for it.
Sometimes we fall in life. We do. Sometimes it is so hard to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and move forward when we feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders, but we must never lose sight of the One who made us because He never loses sight of us.
Lord I love you with all my heart and soul! I pray today that anyone who might find these words will find new strength because of them and choose to follow you Lord and just have faith that You will give them what they need when they need it, even if it takes 5 years for it to happen you are working things out for them this very moment. Lord that is so hard for our human minds to comprehend, but it all really comes down to faith and Lord I have faith in You! amen
Not long after having that thought I thanked God for putting me in a job where my boss is so flexible that I can take mom where I need to. I work really hard for my company. I give up a lot of holidays and weekends and I work hard. Its all I know. Its what my sweet daddy taught me and one of the perks for working hard is something much more valuable to me than money right now. Flexibility. God did that though. I didn't know 5 years ago that I would be in a situation where I would need flexibility, but God did.
This year has been rough for me. Filled with unhappiness and me not worshipping the way I love to worship, by giving back. And that makes me so sad. I miss the Lord's daily presence in my life. I miss praying to Him and spending time with Him. These are things I have control of and yet I fall short. And it takes watching an episode of Preacher's of LA for me to realize this. God is always there. Always around me. He made me realize that He missed me too at that very moment.
I love that song, I'm coming back to the heart of worship. It always makes me feel good. I'm singing it right now with my terrible voice.
So back to Jesus. Financially this has been a rough year too, but I always just give that to God because I can't sit around and worry about my finances, however I have been worried sick about my finances. I needed a new windshield, new pool pump, filter and pool sweeper and I needed my trees trimmed badly. That's $3000 gone. And I don't save for a rainy day. I just have faith that God will work it out for me. And guess what. He did it again. He worked it out for me. I had the money I needed when I needed it because He knows when I have money I will give it to someone else who needs it when He calls me to do so.
So let's recap. I've been a terrible daughter in Christ. I haven't prayed, I've missed my King. I have been consumed with work because that helps me not think of my unhappiness. And the result was that God was still here, still loving me, still walking with me and still helping me through it all. His faith in ME is more than I deserve, but I'm so thankful for it.
Sometimes we fall in life. We do. Sometimes it is so hard to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and move forward when we feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders, but we must never lose sight of the One who made us because He never loses sight of us.
Lord I love you with all my heart and soul! I pray today that anyone who might find these words will find new strength because of them and choose to follow you Lord and just have faith that You will give them what they need when they need it, even if it takes 5 years for it to happen you are working things out for them this very moment. Lord that is so hard for our human minds to comprehend, but it all really comes down to faith and Lord I have faith in You! amen
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Love Thy Neighbor
Its no secret that I can not stand my neighbors. They throw parties all the time, waking me up in the middle of the night. The one interaction I had with the man of the house was him telling me very rudely to move my truck that was parked in front of his house. I had been parking there because someone broke into that house and it was vacant. I had no way of knowing he bought it and was moving in. I have even had to call the police on them for being too loud. They mow their lawn once a year. Literally.
My neighbors became all I thought about. I learned their names. I found their Facebook. Where their kids went to school. Where they work. There is way too much information available online. I thought of ways to anonymously mess with them. Let's just say I have a devious mind. Ask my ex-husbands. They became the object of my obsession and I was filled with hatred for them. Its all I thought about.
That's when I realized that when you allow hatred to fill you up, there is no room for anything else. Its a sickness. Its not like love. With love you are open ended. By this I mean that I can love and still have room for my life and still have room for my work and still have lots of room for what ever else I need, but with hatred its like you are bursting at the seems, unable to let anything else in. So today I had to pop that blister and let the hatred ooze out of me because with it there I can think of nothing else.
The reality is that aside from the party where I called the cops my neighbors have done nothing to me to make my life any different. Its the way I am dealing with it that makes it bigger than it is and that's just nonsense to me. I have had bouts of hatred before with people in my life and I always end up learning about myself through them so for that of course I just have to thank the Lord. Its not easy to admit these things. Its not easy to say yes I'm a bad person and sometimes I hate people and it is dam sure not easy to let it all go when they are still there, but this life we are living is about us. Its about our lessons. Our life. Our successes. Our failures. Nothing else.
I'm just so thankful that I always have God to come back to and He always makes me so accountable. All I have to do is seek God and suddenly my life gets back on track. I am so flawed, but with God's help I am whole! And He is there for all of us, not just me. Not just the people in church on Sundays, but for all of us no matter where we are in life and that's why I write about these things that are real. Because I am real and with Jesus I am complete.
So today I will love my neighbor as myself. And tomorrow. And every day after that because that is what God wants me to do.
Mark 12:28-31
And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
My neighbors became all I thought about. I learned their names. I found their Facebook. Where their kids went to school. Where they work. There is way too much information available online. I thought of ways to anonymously mess with them. Let's just say I have a devious mind. Ask my ex-husbands. They became the object of my obsession and I was filled with hatred for them. Its all I thought about.
That's when I realized that when you allow hatred to fill you up, there is no room for anything else. Its a sickness. Its not like love. With love you are open ended. By this I mean that I can love and still have room for my life and still have room for my work and still have lots of room for what ever else I need, but with hatred its like you are bursting at the seems, unable to let anything else in. So today I had to pop that blister and let the hatred ooze out of me because with it there I can think of nothing else.
The reality is that aside from the party where I called the cops my neighbors have done nothing to me to make my life any different. Its the way I am dealing with it that makes it bigger than it is and that's just nonsense to me. I have had bouts of hatred before with people in my life and I always end up learning about myself through them so for that of course I just have to thank the Lord. Its not easy to admit these things. Its not easy to say yes I'm a bad person and sometimes I hate people and it is dam sure not easy to let it all go when they are still there, but this life we are living is about us. Its about our lessons. Our life. Our successes. Our failures. Nothing else.
I'm just so thankful that I always have God to come back to and He always makes me so accountable. All I have to do is seek God and suddenly my life gets back on track. I am so flawed, but with God's help I am whole! And He is there for all of us, not just me. Not just the people in church on Sundays, but for all of us no matter where we are in life and that's why I write about these things that are real. Because I am real and with Jesus I am complete.
So today I will love my neighbor as myself. And tomorrow. And every day after that because that is what God wants me to do.
Mark 12:28-31
And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Walking With Jesus
Today is not the best day I've ever had. No sleep last night makes me tired and weepy. I went for a walk and it was like going to church. The Lord always ministers to me when I'm listening to music and suddenly the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders and I don't feel all alone. I feel strongly that Jesus was walking with me, so I was sure to walk close to the edge of the sidewalk so I could give Him room.
It is not easy caring for an elderly person. To watch someone you love so much decline so quickly is really rough. I think of all the times she was there for me and my siblings, taking us to the doctor and caring for us and worrying over us; driving us all over the state for every activity we were in and supporting us unconditionally.
I'm sad that she didn't have Jesus to help her actually. If she had, not only would our lives all be different, but hers would have been drastically different as well. But someone was helping her because her and dad managed to raise 4 pretty amazing kids who may not all be rock stars, but we aren't serial murderers either so they did something right. And to have the lack of parenting they had and raise 4 somewhat normal kids tells me that someone was watching out for them and I can only assume it was Jesus. God. Lord. What ever you want to call Him.
God was there with my parents every step of the way whether they went to church or not, or openly proclaimed their faith or not. He still loved them and all of us, unconditionally. The same way my parents did me and I do with my girls and my grandbabies.
So God has been there all along. I just never noticed Him and that's really sad. Its like a complete stranger leaving you a big pouch of money on your doorstep and you just pick it up and deposit it and use it and never thank Him for it. That money helps you care for your family and make your life easier and you never once say thank you, but He keeps giving it to you. And you keep taking it.
Lord please forgive me for all those times I never thanked you for being there for me and picking up the pieces and making my life easier! And thank you for walking with me today!
It is not easy caring for an elderly person. To watch someone you love so much decline so quickly is really rough. I think of all the times she was there for me and my siblings, taking us to the doctor and caring for us and worrying over us; driving us all over the state for every activity we were in and supporting us unconditionally.
I'm sad that she didn't have Jesus to help her actually. If she had, not only would our lives all be different, but hers would have been drastically different as well. But someone was helping her because her and dad managed to raise 4 pretty amazing kids who may not all be rock stars, but we aren't serial murderers either so they did something right. And to have the lack of parenting they had and raise 4 somewhat normal kids tells me that someone was watching out for them and I can only assume it was Jesus. God. Lord. What ever you want to call Him.
God was there with my parents every step of the way whether they went to church or not, or openly proclaimed their faith or not. He still loved them and all of us, unconditionally. The same way my parents did me and I do with my girls and my grandbabies.
So God has been there all along. I just never noticed Him and that's really sad. Its like a complete stranger leaving you a big pouch of money on your doorstep and you just pick it up and deposit it and use it and never thank Him for it. That money helps you care for your family and make your life easier and you never once say thank you, but He keeps giving it to you. And you keep taking it.
Lord please forgive me for all those times I never thanked you for being there for me and picking up the pieces and making my life easier! And thank you for walking with me today!
Saturday, July 12, 2014
My Clarity
The best words I can use to describe the past month are closure and clarity. I think sometimes when mercury goes retrograde it is to help us resolve things from our past and that could not have been more true in so many different aspects over the past month.
It all started with a particular work project that had been lingering.....I hadn't worked on it because it was something I was intimidated by and then like a LIGHTENING BOLT literally I got this idea for resolving the issue I had had that would give me some traction on the project and I did a proof of concept and BAM. It worked! Problem solved. After months of pondering the best way to solve this issue.
Then in my personal life, I had been holding on to this one person thinking that over time we might start talking again and could perhaps have a relationship again, but I realized that ship has sailed and holding on to him and his entire family was the worse thing I could do, so I let them all go. Of course he had no clue I was still holding on, but still letting him go let me close that chapter and it gave me a new freedom I can't express.
I am learning to cope with caring for my 80 year old mother better than I ever imagined and I now see why she is still alive. I have often wondered why she didn't die from a broken heart after dad died, but I now know it was because she had to be here for me. I am so thankful to have the honor of spending so much time with this woman and really getting to know her better. I always felt like dad and I spoke the same language, like I never had to tell him how I felt because he already knew. I feel that with my brother as well, but it was not like that with mom and now I understand her so much better.
Today after visiting a psychic I learned that I may have been her mom in a past life. This explains so much to me. I have always felt this overwhelming need to take care of her especially after dad died. I will say to myself if anyone hurts her I will hurt them and I don't feel that way for anyone except my kids, so to hear this today just kind of puts everything into perspective. I'm always searching for new ways to help mom with the spirits who are always around her bugging her so much and I may have found the answer today with some Tingsha cymbals. I'm so happy about this. When we use them, the spirits around her become silent.
I walked tonight and the entire time listened to Jeremy Camp and I just felt elevated to a new level. This is where the clarity comes in. It is in these moments I feel closest to Jesus and it made me want to write about my experiences over the past few months because I have been struggling so much with life and trying to find happiness and joy and peace and just falling short of that over and over, but today I found joy. In a crazy little hole in the wall shop called The Miracles of Joy as I watched my mother smile while talking to a psychic. I found happiness watching my 2 year old granddaughter say music...music over and over until I turned on the music so she could dance and I found peace in my new Tingsha cymbals as I used them over and over today to clear my space. Today the psychic I spoke with told me to trust my gut because I have an army of support around me and I'm beginning to believe him.
Nothing is an accident and everything that happens is a lesson to us. The past few months have been so difficult, but if I had to go through all that to get here I would gladly do it again and again! And every single time I endure, Jesus waits for me on the other side like a beacon in the night. Thank God for Him and for this amazing life I am so honored to live!!!
It all started with a particular work project that had been lingering.....I hadn't worked on it because it was something I was intimidated by and then like a LIGHTENING BOLT literally I got this idea for resolving the issue I had had that would give me some traction on the project and I did a proof of concept and BAM. It worked! Problem solved. After months of pondering the best way to solve this issue.
Then in my personal life, I had been holding on to this one person thinking that over time we might start talking again and could perhaps have a relationship again, but I realized that ship has sailed and holding on to him and his entire family was the worse thing I could do, so I let them all go. Of course he had no clue I was still holding on, but still letting him go let me close that chapter and it gave me a new freedom I can't express.
I am learning to cope with caring for my 80 year old mother better than I ever imagined and I now see why she is still alive. I have often wondered why she didn't die from a broken heart after dad died, but I now know it was because she had to be here for me. I am so thankful to have the honor of spending so much time with this woman and really getting to know her better. I always felt like dad and I spoke the same language, like I never had to tell him how I felt because he already knew. I feel that with my brother as well, but it was not like that with mom and now I understand her so much better.
Today after visiting a psychic I learned that I may have been her mom in a past life. This explains so much to me. I have always felt this overwhelming need to take care of her especially after dad died. I will say to myself if anyone hurts her I will hurt them and I don't feel that way for anyone except my kids, so to hear this today just kind of puts everything into perspective. I'm always searching for new ways to help mom with the spirits who are always around her bugging her so much and I may have found the answer today with some Tingsha cymbals. I'm so happy about this. When we use them, the spirits around her become silent.
I walked tonight and the entire time listened to Jeremy Camp and I just felt elevated to a new level. This is where the clarity comes in. It is in these moments I feel closest to Jesus and it made me want to write about my experiences over the past few months because I have been struggling so much with life and trying to find happiness and joy and peace and just falling short of that over and over, but today I found joy. In a crazy little hole in the wall shop called The Miracles of Joy as I watched my mother smile while talking to a psychic. I found happiness watching my 2 year old granddaughter say music...music over and over until I turned on the music so she could dance and I found peace in my new Tingsha cymbals as I used them over and over today to clear my space. Today the psychic I spoke with told me to trust my gut because I have an army of support around me and I'm beginning to believe him.
Nothing is an accident and everything that happens is a lesson to us. The past few months have been so difficult, but if I had to go through all that to get here I would gladly do it again and again! And every single time I endure, Jesus waits for me on the other side like a beacon in the night. Thank God for Him and for this amazing life I am so honored to live!!!
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Disappoint Me Not
Sometimes things happen for a reason and you need to not force the issue. Let the universe (i.e. God) dictate your path and when you do, you don't have to worry about your decisions.
I recently tried to buy a Corvette. Yes I know, "woe is me". But I have had a love affair with these cars for years so I decided let's see what we can make happen. It turns out that my credit union didn't like that I was buying a 2006 Corvette and neither did any of the other financial institutions I tried to borrow money from, so the deal didn't happen. At first I was devastated. Then I became angry and wondered why am I in a constant state of disappointment lately?
Several other things happened almost simultaneous to this that too made me extremely disappointed. And then the negative self-talk comes in; I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to be happy, I should just stop wanting anything in my life that will bring me the tiniest bit of happiness since I can't really close any of these deals. If you could hear what I tell myself sometimes, you would know how ridiculous I sound.
But this comes from years and years of never feeling quite good enough. It is what drives me to succeed in my career and while that may not always be bad, sometimes it can be difficult to live with. But today I realized that every time I have not gotten exactly what I wanted, something so much better was just around the corner. We have to learn to embrace being told "no" or not getting exactly what we want.
How many times have you not accepted defeat and fought that much harder to get what you want, only to realize in the end that A) you didn't really want it that bad to begin with or B) it was really really bad for you and you should never have fought so hard for it. Well if I am being honest I could honestly say I've done that so many times I can't even count them all. So what if I had just allowed God to work his magic without forcing the issue?
I am not one that lives with any regrets. Certainly the bad times, the failures, have always taught me so much, so I welcome them to some degree. The difference in my life now is my King. My Lord Jesus Christ without whom I would be nothing. When I listen, He guides me. When I fall, He encourages me and His faith in me is more than my faith in myself. So when I don't get what I want, I have to know He is telling me a story about my future and the bottom line is that I may not have any type of abundance of anything in my life, but I have love in abundance. And I am loved. And I don't really need anything else.
Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord; may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
Psalm 40:10-12
I recently tried to buy a Corvette. Yes I know, "woe is me". But I have had a love affair with these cars for years so I decided let's see what we can make happen. It turns out that my credit union didn't like that I was buying a 2006 Corvette and neither did any of the other financial institutions I tried to borrow money from, so the deal didn't happen. At first I was devastated. Then I became angry and wondered why am I in a constant state of disappointment lately?
Several other things happened almost simultaneous to this that too made me extremely disappointed. And then the negative self-talk comes in; I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to be happy, I should just stop wanting anything in my life that will bring me the tiniest bit of happiness since I can't really close any of these deals. If you could hear what I tell myself sometimes, you would know how ridiculous I sound.
But this comes from years and years of never feeling quite good enough. It is what drives me to succeed in my career and while that may not always be bad, sometimes it can be difficult to live with. But today I realized that every time I have not gotten exactly what I wanted, something so much better was just around the corner. We have to learn to embrace being told "no" or not getting exactly what we want.
How many times have you not accepted defeat and fought that much harder to get what you want, only to realize in the end that A) you didn't really want it that bad to begin with or B) it was really really bad for you and you should never have fought so hard for it. Well if I am being honest I could honestly say I've done that so many times I can't even count them all. So what if I had just allowed God to work his magic without forcing the issue?
I am not one that lives with any regrets. Certainly the bad times, the failures, have always taught me so much, so I welcome them to some degree. The difference in my life now is my King. My Lord Jesus Christ without whom I would be nothing. When I listen, He guides me. When I fall, He encourages me and His faith in me is more than my faith in myself. So when I don't get what I want, I have to know He is telling me a story about my future and the bottom line is that I may not have any type of abundance of anything in my life, but I have love in abundance. And I am loved. And I don't really need anything else.
Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord; may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
Psalm 40:10-12
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Perfect Lives
I'm starting to think that this blog is more for me than for anyone else. I read my own words and all I can say is that I'm sorry Jesus. I'm sorry for not writing when life gets the best of me because it is in these moments SPECIFICALLY where I find God waiting for me and my soul dances with His. So today is a new day and I'm going to write about my struggles over the past few months since I last wrote in my blog.
I find it very difficult to look at Facebook, but it is something I feel almost addicted to. All of these people and their perfect lives just makes me ill. I have been so lonely and everyone seems to be "paired up" except me and its hard to see so many people having fun and living their lives while mine seems to be about work and babysitting. I love my grandbabies, but every time I babysit I feel like someone is flashing a neon sign over my head that says something like "PATHETIC LOSER" or "BABYSITTERS R US". Its just a reminder that I have no life and I don't like feeling that way.
I tell myself I should get out and volunteer more, but I don't. And the entire scenario just makes me more angry and more cynical. This is not what anyone wants to read about. Not even me. But life isn't always about perfection and the reality is that most people are big fake phony's. They portray this version of themselves that even THEY can't successfully pull off.
A friend of mine from high school recently deactivated her Facebook profile. She was the epitome of perfection. A long distance runner with a perfect body, hence the selfies in a bikini. A wealthy husband, a big house, perfect kids and family. She painted and volunteered and lived out her perfect life all on Facebook, so where did she go and why? Maybe her perfect life wasn't as perfect as she lead us all to believe or maybe she just got tired of Facebook fakers like I do, who knows?
I guess the point I'm trying to make in all of this is that life is not perfect, we are all very flawed human beings and that is so hard for people to admit, but to me admitting it is the only way you are ever going to rid yourself of your ego and truly be able to accept the love that Christ has for you and the path that He has placed in front of you, whether it be filled with good days or bad days. Until you say ok Jesus I'm done. I give up. My life is in your hands and then listen to Him, you are going to live a life that is so much less than you should be living.
Today I just want to remind myself that life isn't perfect, but Jesus is and sometimes for varying lengths of time we experience darker days than we want to. And that's ok because if every day was perfect we wouldn't need Jesus and I LOVE needing Jesus more than anything.
But as for me, I know that the One Who bought me and made me free from sin lives, and that He will stand upon the earth in the end.
Job 19:25 (NLV)
I find it very difficult to look at Facebook, but it is something I feel almost addicted to. All of these people and their perfect lives just makes me ill. I have been so lonely and everyone seems to be "paired up" except me and its hard to see so many people having fun and living their lives while mine seems to be about work and babysitting. I love my grandbabies, but every time I babysit I feel like someone is flashing a neon sign over my head that says something like "PATHETIC LOSER" or "BABYSITTERS R US". Its just a reminder that I have no life and I don't like feeling that way.
I tell myself I should get out and volunteer more, but I don't. And the entire scenario just makes me more angry and more cynical. This is not what anyone wants to read about. Not even me. But life isn't always about perfection and the reality is that most people are big fake phony's. They portray this version of themselves that even THEY can't successfully pull off.
A friend of mine from high school recently deactivated her Facebook profile. She was the epitome of perfection. A long distance runner with a perfect body, hence the selfies in a bikini. A wealthy husband, a big house, perfect kids and family. She painted and volunteered and lived out her perfect life all on Facebook, so where did she go and why? Maybe her perfect life wasn't as perfect as she lead us all to believe or maybe she just got tired of Facebook fakers like I do, who knows?
I guess the point I'm trying to make in all of this is that life is not perfect, we are all very flawed human beings and that is so hard for people to admit, but to me admitting it is the only way you are ever going to rid yourself of your ego and truly be able to accept the love that Christ has for you and the path that He has placed in front of you, whether it be filled with good days or bad days. Until you say ok Jesus I'm done. I give up. My life is in your hands and then listen to Him, you are going to live a life that is so much less than you should be living.
Today I just want to remind myself that life isn't perfect, but Jesus is and sometimes for varying lengths of time we experience darker days than we want to. And that's ok because if every day was perfect we wouldn't need Jesus and I LOVE needing Jesus more than anything.
But as for me, I know that the One Who bought me and made me free from sin lives, and that He will stand upon the earth in the end.
Job 19:25 (NLV)
Sunday, March 23, 2014
I Am Free
Have you ever felt paralyzed by your circumstances? Unable to make a single decision based on what YOU want, but what everyone else wants or society wants or your employer wants or your kids want or your family wants. Never what you want.
There are days when all I want to do is to be with Jesus. To end this life so I can be with Him, but I don't and even that is not a decision I'm making for me. Its for everyone else. Not me. If I had my way I would be dancing with Jesus and drinking PBR's with my dad in Heaven, but I endure and that too is not a decision of my own.
I think my lack of control has brought me here to this dark place and I don't like it. I miss the girl who had all the answers and embraced change and lived her life for her. I feel like I'm just hanging out waiting for the next crisis where someone will call me to fix everything so I have to be ready and not live MY life. I have to plan for everyone else's crises and that really feels unfair to me, but I don't know how to stop....
...and then I hear this song "I Am Free" and I realize that God speaks to me through songs and He spoke to me loud and clear today telling me YOU ARE FREE. This particular song says "I am free to run....I am free to dance.... I am free to live for You, but the message is clear. I am free. I am not a prisoner to my circumstances. I am free.
In this world there is very little that I am sure of, but I am sure that God speaks to us and we simply have to know what language He is using to do so. Maybe its a cool breeze on a warm day, maybe its your precious baby smiling or laughing for the first time, or maybe its a song. I encourage you to find the Lord's voice in these moments that you think are just you living your life because I would hate to see you miss out on what He is trying to say to you.
Today the Lord said to me that I Am Free and I need to start living for me and as hard as that seems to me at this moment I will listen and I will change because I know that when I do I will be myself again and I will have my joy and I will be able to fulfill every dream that He has envisioned for me!
There are days when all I want to do is to be with Jesus. To end this life so I can be with Him, but I don't and even that is not a decision I'm making for me. Its for everyone else. Not me. If I had my way I would be dancing with Jesus and drinking PBR's with my dad in Heaven, but I endure and that too is not a decision of my own.
I think my lack of control has brought me here to this dark place and I don't like it. I miss the girl who had all the answers and embraced change and lived her life for her. I feel like I'm just hanging out waiting for the next crisis where someone will call me to fix everything so I have to be ready and not live MY life. I have to plan for everyone else's crises and that really feels unfair to me, but I don't know how to stop....
...and then I hear this song "I Am Free" and I realize that God speaks to me through songs and He spoke to me loud and clear today telling me YOU ARE FREE. This particular song says "I am free to run....I am free to dance.... I am free to live for You, but the message is clear. I am free. I am not a prisoner to my circumstances. I am free.
In this world there is very little that I am sure of, but I am sure that God speaks to us and we simply have to know what language He is using to do so. Maybe its a cool breeze on a warm day, maybe its your precious baby smiling or laughing for the first time, or maybe its a song. I encourage you to find the Lord's voice in these moments that you think are just you living your life because I would hate to see you miss out on what He is trying to say to you.
Today the Lord said to me that I Am Free and I need to start living for me and as hard as that seems to me at this moment I will listen and I will change because I know that when I do I will be myself again and I will have my joy and I will be able to fulfill every dream that He has envisioned for me!
Saturday, March 8, 2014
God’s Comfort in Trouble
I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself after returning from a work
trip to Atlanta when I see a post on Facebook by a 27 year old girl who
was left on the bathroom floor of a Burger King by her mother who gave
birth to her there. Can you imagine that? So many strikes against you
and you don't even know it yet. You are helpless and alone. What is even
more extraordinary is that she still wants to find the person who
abandoned her.
I think that life throws you curve balls sometimes just to see how you will react. Will you shut down? Will you end it all by putting a bullet through your skull? Or will you become stronger? Certainly these times make us weak and powerless and feeling helpless. Probably not unlike that infant child at the Burger King, but we must never forget that we are NOT alone and we are NOT powerless as long as we have Christ.
When I reach my lowest of lows I talk to Jesus a lot. I want to try and understand why I am in this situation and what is my lesson to be learned and when I don't get an answer, I know it is because I am not listening and my ego has taken over and that is really unfortunate because just like this verse says, God Answers:
Psalm 20:6
Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed one;God answers his anointed one from his heavenly sanctuary, answering with mighty acts of salvation achieved by his strong hand.
I know that God answers because I have seen His handy work and yet I flail around like a bird with one wing that has been clipped off instead of just going to the Lord in prayer and collecting myself. And then something else terrible happens and something else and pretty soon I'm like an infant myself crying in the bath tub as if my entire world has fallen apart. But it hasn't. Its just a series of minor setbacks. I still have my health, I still have my job and I still have my Lord Jesus. What else do I need?
Over the years, I can say with 100% certainty that every single setback I have had has been met with a gift from God. So why on earth would I not CELEBRATE my setbacks? I guess because I'm human and my human brain is thinking of everything I now have to do in order to fix all of this and in fact I don't. I simply need to hand it over to Jesus and let Him do the work and let me just say that this is so much easier to sit here and write about than it is to actually do! I have to work on this.
In closing, I want to leave you with this amazing verse that just spoke to me today as if Christ himself whispered it into my ears....
[ God’s comfort in trouble ] May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! He is the compassionate Father and God of all comfort. He’s the one who comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort other people who are in every kind of trouble. We offer the same comfort that we ourselves received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
This note today is MY comfort to you. When life sucks you in and spits you out and you are left wondering which way is up.... take His hand and let Jesus show you!
I think that life throws you curve balls sometimes just to see how you will react. Will you shut down? Will you end it all by putting a bullet through your skull? Or will you become stronger? Certainly these times make us weak and powerless and feeling helpless. Probably not unlike that infant child at the Burger King, but we must never forget that we are NOT alone and we are NOT powerless as long as we have Christ.
When I reach my lowest of lows I talk to Jesus a lot. I want to try and understand why I am in this situation and what is my lesson to be learned and when I don't get an answer, I know it is because I am not listening and my ego has taken over and that is really unfortunate because just like this verse says, God Answers:
Psalm 20:6
Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed one;God answers his anointed one from his heavenly sanctuary, answering with mighty acts of salvation achieved by his strong hand.
I know that God answers because I have seen His handy work and yet I flail around like a bird with one wing that has been clipped off instead of just going to the Lord in prayer and collecting myself. And then something else terrible happens and something else and pretty soon I'm like an infant myself crying in the bath tub as if my entire world has fallen apart. But it hasn't. Its just a series of minor setbacks. I still have my health, I still have my job and I still have my Lord Jesus. What else do I need?
Over the years, I can say with 100% certainty that every single setback I have had has been met with a gift from God. So why on earth would I not CELEBRATE my setbacks? I guess because I'm human and my human brain is thinking of everything I now have to do in order to fix all of this and in fact I don't. I simply need to hand it over to Jesus and let Him do the work and let me just say that this is so much easier to sit here and write about than it is to actually do! I have to work on this.
In closing, I want to leave you with this amazing verse that just spoke to me today as if Christ himself whispered it into my ears....
[ God’s comfort in trouble ] May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! He is the compassionate Father and God of all comfort. He’s the one who comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort other people who are in every kind of trouble. We offer the same comfort that we ourselves received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
This note today is MY comfort to you. When life sucks you in and spits you out and you are left wondering which way is up.... take His hand and let Jesus show you!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Thank You Jesus!
My mom will be 80 years old this year and she's in pretty decent health. She still drives and she still manages to piddle around her little apartment even though she uses a walker and has terrible arthritis. Ever since dad passed away in 2005, my mom has talked about the "spirits" around her. She sees them and hears them and smells them. This is such a foreign concept to me. I have told her for years that if her faith was strong enough Jesus would take the spirits away, but they persisted. I prayed about it, but not wholeheartedly I don't think.
Recently mom called me at work to tell me a disgusting story about one of her spirits and I had just heard enough. Why would someone torment an old lady like this. Lets suppose what she is describing is really real to her, whether I experience any of that in her presence or not and it really moved me so I prayed really hard to Jesus that night and the next time. But it was a different kind of prayer. I prayed with the expectation that Jesus would save her. That He had to because no one else could and I just could not stand the thought of her suffering another day from this.
This was two days ago. Today mom called me and said guess what. I said what and she said she could not hear the spirits anymore. She thought, well I'll put on my hearing aid and then see and still she heard only silence. She said wow Jesus must have heard my prayer. I didn't tell her how hard I had been praying or the depth to which I begged my savior to save my mom from this torture, but He heard me and after I got off the phone with her I just broke down and cried. I wanted this to happen so badly and it did and Jesus did that for me and my mom and of course those thoughts of not being worthy started to creep in, but I am worthy and I don't pray a lot for big things because I know God has His hands full, but I wanted this one so bad and all I could think was that one moment of silence for her was worth a million dollars to me.
I could not be more dedicated to loving and serving Christ and I dote on Him every chance I get and I give Him the glory and I guess I should expect all my prayers to be answered, but I know they won't be. I am so happy this one was.
So I had to document this occasion although I know I will write about this many more times in my lifetime and just say Thank You Lord for loving me so much and for listening and for giving my mom peace. I do not deserve you, but I AM working on it!
Recently mom called me at work to tell me a disgusting story about one of her spirits and I had just heard enough. Why would someone torment an old lady like this. Lets suppose what she is describing is really real to her, whether I experience any of that in her presence or not and it really moved me so I prayed really hard to Jesus that night and the next time. But it was a different kind of prayer. I prayed with the expectation that Jesus would save her. That He had to because no one else could and I just could not stand the thought of her suffering another day from this.
This was two days ago. Today mom called me and said guess what. I said what and she said she could not hear the spirits anymore. She thought, well I'll put on my hearing aid and then see and still she heard only silence. She said wow Jesus must have heard my prayer. I didn't tell her how hard I had been praying or the depth to which I begged my savior to save my mom from this torture, but He heard me and after I got off the phone with her I just broke down and cried. I wanted this to happen so badly and it did and Jesus did that for me and my mom and of course those thoughts of not being worthy started to creep in, but I am worthy and I don't pray a lot for big things because I know God has His hands full, but I wanted this one so bad and all I could think was that one moment of silence for her was worth a million dollars to me.
I could not be more dedicated to loving and serving Christ and I dote on Him every chance I get and I give Him the glory and I guess I should expect all my prayers to be answered, but I know they won't be. I am so happy this one was.
So I had to document this occasion although I know I will write about this many more times in my lifetime and just say Thank You Lord for loving me so much and for listening and for giving my mom peace. I do not deserve you, but I AM working on it!
Sunday, January 19, 2014
When Happiness Eludes You
Are you happy? Do you wonder when you will ever find happiness? Do you think that peace and happiness are elusive. Something other people have, but definitely not you. Do you say to yourself, "I'm not rich enough. I'm not thin enough. I'm not popular enough."
I have found that there is only one path to happiness and that is by following Christ. I'm not saying that I don't still have bad days or that I still don't tell myself I'm not good enough, but those days are completely overshadowed by my good days. Days when I sing at the top of my lungs how much I love Jesus and I just soak Him in and breathe His life into my entire being.
If you are not following Christ and you think you are happy you are just lying to yourself. You are in denial. You are stubborn and won't allow your own ego to strip it all away long enough for Him to be a part of your soul and I feel bad for you. And I have a little secret to share with you, He's waiting. It doesn't matter how long it takes and it doesn't matter how big your sin is. Give it to Him and let him carry that burden because otherwise He died for us for nothing.
You torture yourself when you think there is no way that Jesus could love YOU because you are too broken. Its just not true. He absolutely loves you and he's waiting for you to walk with Him.
Lord I pray to you that someone reads these words today and feels your presence as they do. And I pray that you will lead them to a life that may not be perfect, but will be filled with happiness and a joy that they thought was impossible! Thank you Lord for being by my side and showing me what is really important in my life. I love you so very much Lord. Amen....
I have found that there is only one path to happiness and that is by following Christ. I'm not saying that I don't still have bad days or that I still don't tell myself I'm not good enough, but those days are completely overshadowed by my good days. Days when I sing at the top of my lungs how much I love Jesus and I just soak Him in and breathe His life into my entire being.
If you are not following Christ and you think you are happy you are just lying to yourself. You are in denial. You are stubborn and won't allow your own ego to strip it all away long enough for Him to be a part of your soul and I feel bad for you. And I have a little secret to share with you, He's waiting. It doesn't matter how long it takes and it doesn't matter how big your sin is. Give it to Him and let him carry that burden because otherwise He died for us for nothing.
You torture yourself when you think there is no way that Jesus could love YOU because you are too broken. Its just not true. He absolutely loves you and he's waiting for you to walk with Him.
Lord I pray to you that someone reads these words today and feels your presence as they do. And I pray that you will lead them to a life that may not be perfect, but will be filled with happiness and a joy that they thought was impossible! Thank you Lord for being by my side and showing me what is really important in my life. I love you so very much Lord. Amen....
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Jesus Is Lord
Today I am listening to Pandora and I am filled with LOVE. I love Jesus so much I want to shout it from the rooftops. I would normally post something on Facebook, but I think people are sick of seeing me loving Jesus so much on Facebook, so I'll just write about what He has done for me today. Jesus loves me unconditionally in spite of my sins. Yes I sin. A lot. I'm not proud of it and I do strive to be a good person, but I falter daily. And it doesn't matter because He still loves me.
But getting here as been a journey for me. I used to be frightened of God as a child and young adult. I remember sitting in church and the pastor saying if you want to be saved to come down to the front of the church and let us pray with you. My heart would race and I would not go. Partially because I am inherently shy, but also because I was afraid. what does this mean? Where do I go from here? I would be running through all these scenarios as my heart raced and I would be paralyzed with fear. I couldn't hear Jesus voice back then like I do now or see Him moving in my life. But that's because my faith wasn't strong enough.
Through the years and the hard times I have sought out the Lord in times of sorrow and sadness and my faith has become infallible. There will always be times when I am not as close to God as I should be, but I am never really that far away. And a song will come on that reminds me of our journey together and I will tear up and look at my picture of Jesus I have on my desk and I'll hear Him whisper softly to me.....and I'm so grateful. Undeserving....but nonetheless grateful!
Closing with these awesome lyrics from Hillsong's "Where We Belong"...
We run to Your Throne
Where we belong
Every heart will sing
That Jesus is Lord
Casting all else aside
For the joy of our Christ
Let Your Glory fall
Our hearts are filled with Your Fire
But getting here as been a journey for me. I used to be frightened of God as a child and young adult. I remember sitting in church and the pastor saying if you want to be saved to come down to the front of the church and let us pray with you. My heart would race and I would not go. Partially because I am inherently shy, but also because I was afraid. what does this mean? Where do I go from here? I would be running through all these scenarios as my heart raced and I would be paralyzed with fear. I couldn't hear Jesus voice back then like I do now or see Him moving in my life. But that's because my faith wasn't strong enough.
Through the years and the hard times I have sought out the Lord in times of sorrow and sadness and my faith has become infallible. There will always be times when I am not as close to God as I should be, but I am never really that far away. And a song will come on that reminds me of our journey together and I will tear up and look at my picture of Jesus I have on my desk and I'll hear Him whisper softly to me.....and I'm so grateful. Undeserving....but nonetheless grateful!
Closing with these awesome lyrics from Hillsong's "Where We Belong"...
We run to Your Throne
Where we belong
Every heart will sing
That Jesus is Lord
Casting all else aside
For the joy of our Christ
Let Your Glory fall
Our hearts are filled with Your Fire
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