It is impossible to explain God. It can't be done. It is even more impossible to explain Him to someone who doesn't believe in the first place. I was once at an air port when someone approached me to minister to me about God. I didn't tell him I was already a believer because I wanted to hear what he had to say. I kept throwing things at him and asking him why this and why that and to be honest his answers were weak. If I didn't already believe, he would never have convinced me that God existed. He was ministering to me and already my faith was stronger than his.
This happens to me a lot. I question why do you have to say the same prayer over and over and over again. Did God not hear you the first time? Was your faith not strong enough? I think if you ask God for something and believe He heard you, you shouldn't have to keep praying the same prayer over and over and over again. If you ask Google this question "Why do I have to pray over and over the same prayer" you will get 168,000,000 results. WOW! Seems like a lot of other people have had this same question and the answer is that if it makes you feel better to pray the same thing over and over again then do it. We are human. And its our nature to want something so bad that we just keep praying for it, like I prayed to God when my baby was sick. Nothing else in the world mattered to me, so I prayed and prayed until I was sure God was sick to death of me. And He fixed her.
The reality is that I shouldn't have to explain God to anyone. I shouldn't have to site examples for why evolution was part of God's plan. I shouldn't have to point out that if it was just about procreation, then why do we feel pleasure or ask why would we evolve to love? What separates humans from animals? Scientifically you could attempt to answer many of these questions, but in the end you would still fail to explain to me why this is all not part of God's plan. Its just a matter of faith and recognizing that God is so much bigger than we could ever comprehend. So why try to explain Him at all?
There are times in my life when I feel far from God and I don't like that feeling at all. There have certainly been times in my life when I used God or attempted to use my belief in Him and I was not glorifying Him at all and this thought just destroys me now. Looking back all I can say is that I'm sorry. God knows my heart. He created it. And He knew I would be back. I'm not going to sit around and beat myself up for those times. All I can do is move forward in faith. I know God has a plan for my life, so I'm going to do my best to glorify Him and try to figure out what that looks like for me. So far all I know is that I can be close to God without being in church or listening to sermons. I can minister to others through my actions and my words and I can be steadfast in my faith which also ministers to others.
I don't know what tomorrow looks like. I could find a pastor or church home or I could even marry one. Only God knows what my future holds and I trust Him! And to be really honest, I don't care what my future looks like. All I care about is that God is in it!
Lord I pray that instead of trying to explain God, that people might just try to find you instead. In the simplest places or moments in their lives. Lord please never leave my heart because without You I am nothing. You are my shepherd. You are my king. You are my everything Lord and I love you with all my heart. Amen.
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