Disappoint Me Not

Sometimes things happen for a reason and you need to not force the issue. Let the universe (i.e. God) dictate your path and when you do, you don't have to worry about your decisions.

I recently tried to buy a Corvette. Yes I know, "woe is me". But I have had a love affair with these cars for years so I decided let's see what we can make happen. It turns out that my credit union didn't like that I was buying a 2006 Corvette and neither did any of the other financial institutions I tried to borrow money from, so the deal didn't happen. At first I was devastated. Then I became angry and wondered why am I in a constant state of disappointment lately?

Several other things happened almost simultaneous to this that too made me extremely disappointed. And then the negative self-talk comes in; I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to be happy, I should just stop wanting anything in my life that will bring me the tiniest bit of happiness since I can't really close any of these deals. If you could hear what I tell myself sometimes, you would know how ridiculous I sound.

But this comes from years and years of never feeling quite good enough. It is what drives me to succeed in my career and while that may not always be bad, sometimes it can  be difficult to live with. But today I realized that every time I have not gotten exactly what I wanted, something so much better was just around the corner. We have to learn to embrace being told "no" or not getting exactly what we want.

How many times have you not accepted defeat and fought that much harder to get what you want, only to realize in the end that A) you didn't really want it that bad to begin with or B) it was really really bad for you and you should never have fought so hard for it. Well if I am being honest I could honestly say I've done that so many times I can't even count them all. So what if I had just allowed God to work his magic without forcing the issue?

I am not one that lives with any regrets. Certainly the bad times, the failures, have always taught me so much,  so I welcome them to some degree. The difference in my life now is my King. My Lord Jesus Christ without whom I would be nothing. When I listen, He guides me. When I fall, He encourages me and His faith in me is more than my faith in myself. So when I don't get what I want, I have to know He is telling me a story about my future and the bottom line is that I may not have any type of abundance of anything in my life, but I have love in abundance. And I am loved. And I don't really need anything else.

Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord; may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
Psalm 40:10-12