Perfect Lives

I'm starting to think that this blog is more for me than for anyone else. I read my own words and all I can say is that I'm sorry Jesus. I'm sorry for not writing when life gets the best of me because it is in these moments SPECIFICALLY where I find God waiting for me and my soul dances with His. So today is a new day and I'm going to write about my struggles over the past few months since I last wrote in my blog.

I find it very difficult to look at Facebook, but it is something I feel almost addicted to. All of these people and their perfect lives just makes me ill. I have been so lonely and everyone seems to be "paired up" except me and its hard to see so many people having fun and living their lives while mine seems to be about work and babysitting. I love my grandbabies, but every time I babysit I feel like someone is flashing a neon sign over my head that says something like "PATHETIC LOSER" or "BABYSITTERS R US". Its just a reminder that I have no life and I don't like feeling that way.

I tell myself I should get out and volunteer more, but I don't. And the entire scenario just makes me more angry and more cynical. This is not what anyone wants to read about. Not even me. But life isn't always about perfection and the reality is that most people are big fake phony's. They portray this version of themselves that even THEY can't successfully pull off.

A friend of mine from high school recently deactivated her Facebook profile. She was the epitome of perfection. A long distance runner with a perfect body, hence the selfies in a bikini. A wealthy husband, a big house, perfect kids and family. She painted and volunteered and lived out her perfect life all on Facebook, so where did she go and why? Maybe her perfect life wasn't as perfect as she lead us all to believe or maybe she just got tired of Facebook fakers like I do, who knows?

I guess the point I'm trying to make in all of this is that life is not perfect, we are all very flawed human beings and that is so hard for people to admit, but to me admitting it is the only way you are ever going to rid yourself of your ego and truly be able to accept the love that Christ has for you and the path that He has placed in front of you, whether it be filled with good days or bad days. Until you say ok Jesus I'm done. I give up. My life is in your hands and then listen to Him, you are going to live a life that is so much less than you should be living.

Today I just want to remind myself that life isn't perfect, but Jesus is and sometimes for varying lengths of time we experience darker days than we want to. And that's ok because if every day was perfect we wouldn't need Jesus and I LOVE needing Jesus more than anything.

But as for me, I know that the One Who bought me and made me free from sin lives, and that He will stand upon the earth in the end.
Job 19:25 (NLV)