I Am Free

Have you ever felt paralyzed by your circumstances? Unable to make a single decision based on what YOU want, but what everyone else wants or society wants or your employer wants or your kids want or your family wants. Never what you want.

There are days when all I want to do is to be with Jesus. To end this life so I can be with Him, but I don't and even that is not a decision I'm making for me. Its  for everyone else. Not me. If I had my way I would be dancing with Jesus and drinking PBR's with my dad in Heaven, but I endure and that too is not a decision of my own.

I think my lack of control has brought me here to this dark place and I don't like it. I miss the girl who had all the answers and embraced change and lived her life for her. I feel like I'm just hanging out waiting for the next crisis where someone will call me to fix everything so I have to be ready and not live MY life. I have to plan for everyone else's crises and that really feels unfair to me, but I don't know how to stop....

...and then I hear this song  "I Am Free" and I realize that God speaks to me through songs and He spoke to me loud and clear today telling me YOU ARE FREE. This particular song says "I am free to run....I am free to dance.... I am free to live for You, but the message is clear. I am free. I am not a prisoner to my circumstances. I am free.

In this world there is very little that I am sure of, but I am sure that God speaks to us and we simply have to know what language He is using to do so. Maybe its a cool breeze on a warm day, maybe its your precious baby smiling or laughing for the first time, or maybe its a song. I encourage you to find the Lord's voice in these moments that you think are just you living your life because I would hate to see you miss out on what He is trying to say to you.

Today the Lord said to me that I Am Free and I need to start living for me and as hard as that seems to me at this moment I will listen and I will change because I know that when I do I will be myself again and I will have my joy and I will be able to fulfill every dream that He has envisioned for me!