Done

Done. It was like a light switch in my brain flipped and just like that I was done. I wanted no more calls from her bail bond people or her drug dealer or her for that matter. So I did what I had to do in order to protect myself and blocked her and everyone around her from my life. And it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Because it has finally given me the peace that I have needed for such a long time. 

My therapist and I agreed that the world was getting about 25% of me because of my codependency with my daughter. What will happen when I have 100% to give the world because of my newfound peace? Great things are already beginning. The universe is opening up and not only do I have peace, but a completely different state of mind. I have hope and I am excited for what the future holds. Not living in dread. 

Letting go is not easy. I did the best I could to raise my child and I definitely failed her and that is OK. I also did not fail her in many more ways than I failed her and that is OK too. Life goes on. We do the best we can with the tools we are given and then we move on with our lives. I am not perfect, I never will be, but I know this...I am a good person. I try to do the right things. I love my tribe fiercely and unapologetically. I am learning to love myself even more. Life is a journey. 

The Lord is my shepherd;

I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will live in the house of the Lord Forever.

Psalm 23: 1-6