Remember Me?

Today, my Facebook memories gave me this that I wrote 5 years ago:

"Lately I have not been walking with Jesus. Call it life. Call it a flawed human being. Call it what ever you want, I'm just not putting God between me and the world and as a result I've been in a lot of trouble. Trouble with my family, my friends and even my work. I don't like being here at all. So to my peers I just want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry if my mean heart has affected you. I'm sorry if my actions left you wondering how this person can call herself a Christian and I'm sorry if you have lost respect for me. Make no mistake, I have lost a lot of respect for me. All I can do is wake up tomorrow and try to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be while learning from my mistakes. I'm broken.....flawed.....undeserving.... and yet I throw myself on the mercy of my Maker and He rescues me time and time again. I ask, how can You love me like this when there are so many moments that I can not even stand the sight of myself and I feel Him smiling and reassuring me that we are in this together. Lord, let me not disappoint you today!"

I remember distinctly where I was when I wrote this post. I had an issue at work and of course I let it overflow into the rest of my life. I used to be really hard on myself, but that is something I have been trying to do a lot less of and honestly I am much happier. I am at a point in my life where I can accept me for who I am. I accept the fact that I am a sinner. I sin. I am sometimes mean. I am sometimes shallow. I am sometimes selfish. I am a lot of things. But God still loves me in spite of all of that. I already have His grace. I don't have to keep working for it.

I love how God just shows up in my life when I least expect it and I will be reminded of how deeply and passionately I love my Savior even if I only write about it in this blog. I love how God moves me and is a never ending source of strength for me. I picture Jesus and my dad hanging out watching my life evolve sometimes and I think they would be proud of me. I am not perfect, but I am definitely entertaining! :0)

I realized today I have not written anything this year and the year is about half over. I have been really busy with life and work and my kids and sadly I have written a lot of things this year, but none of them are God-worthy or appropriate for this space. I need to do a better job of recording the moments when God saves me because I look back on my words and I need to constantly remind myself of these moments.

Lord, thank you for giving me this amazing life to live and for helping me seek happiness in all of my endeavors. Lord, I need you. Today and every single day for the rest of eternity and I love you so! You move me beyond words, beyond humanity, beyond this meager existence! Amen.