This Is My Truth

Today I am absolutely humbled by the spirit of God. As I stand in my office listening to my music the song Sweetly Broken, by Jeremy Riddle comes on and I am brought to tears. This song moves me more than I can express with words, but I will attempt to explain.

I am broken. So broken. Shame overtakes me some days. Its that constant shame in the corner of my brain that makes me feel so unworthy and push everyone away so its not a small thing. It hurts me. It hurts my relationships. It lets me justify detaching from reality and people. It leads me to really dark days that I often wonder how or if I will ever overcome.

And then something as simple as this song reminds me that I am human. I sin. I am broken, but in God's eyes I'm already forgiven. And if the maker of the universe forgives me, why can't I forgive myself? If He loves me. Why can't I love myself? No human is greater than God. No ego is greater than God, so why do I constantly come back to this place where I feel ugly and unworthy and unhappy?

I think the answer is that I forget how much God really loves me. I forget that I have already been given grace. I want to believe it, but I often have doubts that are just the devil getting in my head trying to ruin my relationship with Christ. That reminds me of the song Forgiven by Sanctus Real where he talks about his past failures that the devil won't let him forget. I need to do a better job of silencing my demons with the voices of the angels whose music I can not live without, two of whom are mentioned in this post.

This is my truth. This is where I need to be in order to enjoy my life on this earth and stop allowing fear and anger and shame control me.

Father God, please forgive me for losing sight of You. Thank you for loving me so much and never letting me forget how close you are. I feel You next to me right at this moment reminding me that I am worthy. Lord if I had to experience what I have in the last 40 plus days in order to go deeper with You then I would gladly do it again a thousand times over. Please help me stay focused on You and your plan for my life. In your precious son's name I pray! AMEN!

SWEETLY BROKEN

To the cross, I look, and to the cross, I cling
Of it's suffering, I do drink, of its work, I do sing
On it, my Savior, both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love and God is just

At the cross, You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees
And I am lost for words, so lost in love
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
Yeah, yeah, oh Lord

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5_Z3ZZYLDc

FORGIVEN

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I am reminded of the wrong that I 
have said and done
And that devil just won't let me forget

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9FW1dz3Lrg