Sometimes things happen for a reason and you need to not force the issue. Let the universe (i.e. God) dictate your path and when you do, you don't have to worry about your decisions.
I recently tried to buy a Corvette. Yes I know, "woe is me". But I have had a love affair with these cars for years so I decided let's see what we can make happen. It turns out that my credit union didn't like that I was buying a 2006 Corvette and neither did any of the other financial institutions I tried to borrow money from, so the deal didn't happen. At first I was devastated. Then I became angry and wondered why am I in a constant state of disappointment lately?
Several other things happened almost simultaneous to this that too made me extremely disappointed. And then the negative self-talk comes in; I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to be happy, I should just stop wanting anything in my life that will bring me the tiniest bit of happiness since I can't really close any of these deals. If you could hear what I tell myself sometimes, you would know how ridiculous I sound.
But this comes from years and years of never feeling quite good enough. It is what drives me to succeed in my career and while that may not always be bad, sometimes it can be difficult to live with. But today I realized that every time I have not gotten exactly what I wanted, something so much better was just around the corner. We have to learn to embrace being told "no" or not getting exactly what we want.
How many times have you not accepted defeat and fought that much harder to get what you want, only to realize in the end that A) you didn't really want it that bad to begin with or B) it was really really bad for you and you should never have fought so hard for it. Well if I am being honest I could honestly say I've done that so many times I can't even count them all. So what if I had just allowed God to work his magic without forcing the issue?
I am not one that lives with any regrets. Certainly the bad times, the failures, have always taught me so much, so I welcome them to some degree. The difference in my life now is my King. My Lord Jesus Christ without whom I would be nothing. When I listen, He guides me. When I fall, He encourages me and His faith in me is more than my faith in myself. So when I don't get what I want, I have to know He is telling me a story about my future and the bottom line is that I may not have any type of abundance of anything in my life, but I have love in abundance. And I am loved. And I don't really need anything else.
Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord; may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
Psalm 40:10-12
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Perfect Lives
I'm starting to think that this blog is more for me than for anyone else. I read my own words and all I can say is that I'm sorry Jesus. I'm sorry for not writing when life gets the best of me because it is in these moments SPECIFICALLY where I find God waiting for me and my soul dances with His. So today is a new day and I'm going to write about my struggles over the past few months since I last wrote in my blog.
I find it very difficult to look at Facebook, but it is something I feel almost addicted to. All of these people and their perfect lives just makes me ill. I have been so lonely and everyone seems to be "paired up" except me and its hard to see so many people having fun and living their lives while mine seems to be about work and babysitting. I love my grandbabies, but every time I babysit I feel like someone is flashing a neon sign over my head that says something like "PATHETIC LOSER" or "BABYSITTERS R US". Its just a reminder that I have no life and I don't like feeling that way.
I tell myself I should get out and volunteer more, but I don't. And the entire scenario just makes me more angry and more cynical. This is not what anyone wants to read about. Not even me. But life isn't always about perfection and the reality is that most people are big fake phony's. They portray this version of themselves that even THEY can't successfully pull off.
A friend of mine from high school recently deactivated her Facebook profile. She was the epitome of perfection. A long distance runner with a perfect body, hence the selfies in a bikini. A wealthy husband, a big house, perfect kids and family. She painted and volunteered and lived out her perfect life all on Facebook, so where did she go and why? Maybe her perfect life wasn't as perfect as she lead us all to believe or maybe she just got tired of Facebook fakers like I do, who knows?
I guess the point I'm trying to make in all of this is that life is not perfect, we are all very flawed human beings and that is so hard for people to admit, but to me admitting it is the only way you are ever going to rid yourself of your ego and truly be able to accept the love that Christ has for you and the path that He has placed in front of you, whether it be filled with good days or bad days. Until you say ok Jesus I'm done. I give up. My life is in your hands and then listen to Him, you are going to live a life that is so much less than you should be living.
Today I just want to remind myself that life isn't perfect, but Jesus is and sometimes for varying lengths of time we experience darker days than we want to. And that's ok because if every day was perfect we wouldn't need Jesus and I LOVE needing Jesus more than anything.
But as for me, I know that the One Who bought me and made me free from sin lives, and that He will stand upon the earth in the end.
Job 19:25 (NLV)
I find it very difficult to look at Facebook, but it is something I feel almost addicted to. All of these people and their perfect lives just makes me ill. I have been so lonely and everyone seems to be "paired up" except me and its hard to see so many people having fun and living their lives while mine seems to be about work and babysitting. I love my grandbabies, but every time I babysit I feel like someone is flashing a neon sign over my head that says something like "PATHETIC LOSER" or "BABYSITTERS R US". Its just a reminder that I have no life and I don't like feeling that way.
I tell myself I should get out and volunteer more, but I don't. And the entire scenario just makes me more angry and more cynical. This is not what anyone wants to read about. Not even me. But life isn't always about perfection and the reality is that most people are big fake phony's. They portray this version of themselves that even THEY can't successfully pull off.
A friend of mine from high school recently deactivated her Facebook profile. She was the epitome of perfection. A long distance runner with a perfect body, hence the selfies in a bikini. A wealthy husband, a big house, perfect kids and family. She painted and volunteered and lived out her perfect life all on Facebook, so where did she go and why? Maybe her perfect life wasn't as perfect as she lead us all to believe or maybe she just got tired of Facebook fakers like I do, who knows?
I guess the point I'm trying to make in all of this is that life is not perfect, we are all very flawed human beings and that is so hard for people to admit, but to me admitting it is the only way you are ever going to rid yourself of your ego and truly be able to accept the love that Christ has for you and the path that He has placed in front of you, whether it be filled with good days or bad days. Until you say ok Jesus I'm done. I give up. My life is in your hands and then listen to Him, you are going to live a life that is so much less than you should be living.
Today I just want to remind myself that life isn't perfect, but Jesus is and sometimes for varying lengths of time we experience darker days than we want to. And that's ok because if every day was perfect we wouldn't need Jesus and I LOVE needing Jesus more than anything.
But as for me, I know that the One Who bought me and made me free from sin lives, and that He will stand upon the earth in the end.
Job 19:25 (NLV)
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