I am a thief....

Today I want to talk about the song Thief by Third Day and how this song moves me to my core every single time I hear it. I literally stop what I'm doing and I imagine myself singing this song. I am a thief, I am a murderer, walking up this lonely hill. This is me. This is all of us. This man is no different from you or me. Sure his sin might be greater, but sin is sin right? He looks over and he sees Jesus hanging from that cross and he says "Who is this man? This man beside me, they call the king of jews. They don't believe that he's the Messiah, but somehow I know its true."

At that very moment the thief knew Jesus was the Messiah.

The thief continues:

My time has come and I'm slowly fading
I deserve what I receive
Jesus when You are in Your kingdom
Could You please, please remember me?

And He looks at me still holding on
The tears fall from His eyes
And He says I tell the truth
Today, you will be with Me in paradise
And I know that my time, yes my time is coming soon

When the song talks about tears falling from His eyes is usually where I completely lose it because I am the thief and Jesus saved me too. I can imagine the betrayal He felt from being crucified by His own people. I imagine the pain He is in. I imagine that He is so pure that He literally took the time to save the man next to Him and I just want to be more like Him.

So often compassion leaves me and I find myself being hateful or mean. Even if its only in my own mind. I am jealous of people. I say mean things about people. I'm just really a mean person sometimes. I have to do a better job of remembering the price that Christ paid for my sins and work towards not being so hateful.

Lord thank you for dying for us. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for teaching us that God is accessible to us no matter what. Even if we sin and fall short.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwPqCPMyypI

Perfect Imperfection

So often we get caught up in situations that are less than ideal and we wonder, why on earth is this happening to me? We never think about the blessing this one thing that is less than ideal might actually be to someone else. True, its not your xanadu, but it might be just what someone else needs at that moment.

God is at work right now turning a bad situation in to a livable situation even at the cost of someone elses happiness. And that someone else might be resentful at first, but hopefully they can take a step back and see the bigger picture and know that sometimes we have to surrender our own happiness and fulfillment for only a moment just to help another soul. What if that other soul had no options? How would their lives be impacted by that? But through God and you they now have options.

Sometimes its not all about us, its about someone else. Think about the times in your life when someone showed up to help you. There was surely divine intervention in that and you didn't even know it. We have to learn to revel in every moment knowing that this one and the next and the next is architected by God. Is every moment perfect? No, but where is the fun in that? I feel like the culmination of life is about 1 perfect moment in every 9 imperfect moments and it really comes down to our trust and faith in God.

Today I know two things. I am alive. And I am in LOVE with my savior. Beyond that I'm just filling in the gaps with my perfectly imperfect life! I think my message today is one of surrendering. Get out of your head. Stop thinking about what you DON'T have and start thinking about how this moment, thanks to God, is a blessing to someone even if it isn't you!

This Is My Truth

Today I am absolutely humbled by the spirit of God. As I stand in my office listening to my music the song Sweetly Broken, by Jeremy Riddle comes on and I am brought to tears. This song moves me more than I can express with words, but I will attempt to explain.

I am broken. So broken. Shame overtakes me some days. Its that constant shame in the corner of my brain that makes me feel so unworthy and push everyone away so its not a small thing. It hurts me. It hurts my relationships. It lets me justify detaching from reality and people. It leads me to really dark days that I often wonder how or if I will ever overcome.

And then something as simple as this song reminds me that I am human. I sin. I am broken, but in God's eyes I'm already forgiven. And if the maker of the universe forgives me, why can't I forgive myself? If He loves me. Why can't I love myself? No human is greater than God. No ego is greater than God, so why do I constantly come back to this place where I feel ugly and unworthy and unhappy?

I think the answer is that I forget how much God really loves me. I forget that I have already been given grace. I want to believe it, but I often have doubts that are just the devil getting in my head trying to ruin my relationship with Christ. That reminds me of the song Forgiven by Sanctus Real where he talks about his past failures that the devil won't let him forget. I need to do a better job of silencing my demons with the voices of the angels whose music I can not live without, two of whom are mentioned in this post.

This is my truth. This is where I need to be in order to enjoy my life on this earth and stop allowing fear and anger and shame control me.

Father God, please forgive me for losing sight of You. Thank you for loving me so much and never letting me forget how close you are. I feel You next to me right at this moment reminding me that I am worthy. Lord if I had to experience what I have in the last 40 plus days in order to go deeper with You then I would gladly do it again a thousand times over. Please help me stay focused on You and your plan for my life. In your precious son's name I pray! AMEN!

SWEETLY BROKEN

To the cross, I look, and to the cross, I cling
Of it's suffering, I do drink, of its work, I do sing
On it, my Savior, both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love and God is just

At the cross, You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees
And I am lost for words, so lost in love
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
Yeah, yeah, oh Lord

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5_Z3ZZYLDc

FORGIVEN

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I am reminded of the wrong that I 
have said and done
And that devil just won't let me forget

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9FW1dz3Lrg