Trust God

Sometimes I hate my life. I am in this space and I hate it and I am tormented by it. I scream out to God asking why? Crying why have you put me in this space and why can't I just be happy? But happiness seems as elusive to me as my dying youth. And just when I think it can't get any worse, God speaks to me like He always does through my music and I hear the words "you are not trusting God". And He is right. I am not trusting God's purpose for putting me where I need to be and that is why I am so unhappy. God has never once put me through anything that didn't make me a better person and yet, when confronted by a seemingly hopeless situation which is really where I need to be trusting Him the most, I resort to my old ways and I am mad at God.

Recently I feel like I am surrounded by death. A co-worker literally dropped dead at his desk last week and just yesterday my sister-in-law had a close family friend commit suicide. They were 41 and 24. So young and so tragic. I am reminded of how little time we have in this life and how precious it is. I think happiness is a gift that we can give back to God. I think He wants us to be joyful and when we are it makes Him happy. When life gets in the way of your joy, you have to find joy in other things and I think you should constantly be seeking joy. And I mean JOYFUL JUBILATION. The kind of joy that makes you want to scream it from the roof tops. When you can do that even in the midst of torment, I think you will have mastered life.

My message today is pretty clear. Listen for God to lead the way. And when you are lost just wait for God to hand you the baton so you can run through it until you get to the other side of your struggles. Maybe you are here because you needed time to reflect. Maybe you are here because God is saving you from heart ache that could be a million times worse than your petty little struggle today. I think that is what I keep forgetting. It could be so much worse. So be thankful for God and be thankful for this moment, no matter how crappy it is and above all Trust God.

Death Is Never Easy

Yesterday a colleague of mine passed away while at work. He was a father and a husband and an all around nice guy. He just turned 41. I am reminded of how short life really is and how at any moment the Lord could take us home. I think we do so many stupid things in life because we fear death and yet you could be reading these words and taking your last breath at the same time.

I think that we forget to live because we are terrified of dying. I think that we work so hard to do what society tells us, but for what? I think of my dad who worked his entire life for his family. He was not the sort of man who had to have cars or boats or "things". As long as we were all happy, he was happy. And then 5 short years after he retired he was gone. I wonder if he ever regretted not being more selfish. I wonder if he ever wished he had lived more. These are questions that haunt me to this day.

I think there are worse things in life than dying. I say this because I know when I die I get to be with my dad and Jesus and knowing this brings me comfort. I think if you are a faithful person, then death is less daunting. I still fear death because I don't want it to hurt, but I know that when I'm gone I will have left my girls with a good role model in life. One who worked hard and sacrificed a lot for them and taught them how to be independent, successful women. I will know that I lived my life without regret.

Losing my friend from work has taught me that even though I have been moderately successful in this life, I really need to live more. I don't want to waste my hours on Facebook or other social media sites. I want to make a difference in this world. I want my existence to be purposeful. I have not been giving like I used to give. I have been so self-absorbed because I felt like it was finally my turn to do something for myself, but I have a tendency to go 100 miles per hour in one direction and I really need to learn how to go 55 and enjoy the scenery. I need balance. I need to give and receive at the same time. It's funny how God opens your eyes using situations around you.

Today my message is to live life like there is no tomorrow, because that could literally be the case for you. Do something different today. Connect with God. Be a good person. Love on your family. Don't leave this life without telling the people you love how much they mean to you. Leave no questions unanswered, so when the Lord comes to take you home your family can say that "my mom sure knew how to live" or "my dad loved his family but he regretted not doing more for himself". We are only here for a blip in time. Make that blip amazing!