For the majority of my life I have run away from my problems. If I had issues at work I quit. If I didn't like the way a relationship was going I left. If I didn't like where I lived I moved. Instead of facing my problems and working through them I ran. The problem with this is that you never really learn how to work through your problems because you are too busy running away from them.
In September I will have lived at my current address for 8 years. In October I will have worked at the same company for 4 years which is the longest I have consecutively lived in one place and the longest I have consecutively worked for the same company since the 80's. My behavior of running away is changing. It is so much harder to stay and fight than it is to run away. I have had to do things at work that I never in a million years thought I would ever do, like apologize to a co-worker for being mean to them. And on the flip side of that I have also formed some really deep and meaningful relationships with my co-workers which rarely ever happens. I have gone from hating my boss to understanding him better. And that too rarely ever happens.
And this I think is the lesson God is trying to teach me. I need to work through things with people and I need to stay in this space for a while and figure me out and figure out where I need to be. I need to work on myself. Nothing in life is ever easy, so taking the easy way out by quitting and walking away is just not a good long term solution for life. And I feel like my character is so much stronger now that I know how to be in the same place for a while and endure things that normally would have driven me to run.
I decided to turn on Pandora and read some bible verses today so I could connect with God. I have missed these moments this year and I feel so guilty about that. And God showed up like He ALWAYS does! I was sitting here thinking of how I always run away from everything and I hear this song "Forever Reign" by Passion Worship Band. The chorus says "Oh I'm running to Your arms I'm running to Your arms..." . Get it? Running?! And then just to confirm that God was with me the next song I heard was "When God Ran" by Phillips, Craig & Dean. Of course that one made me sob like an infant. God always uses these amazing worship songs to connect with me and get my attention!
Life is full of change and I embrace change. I love change! In fact I love it so much that I made a lot of it by running away, but God has stopped me from doing that by creating circumstances that forced me to stay where I am and deal with my life and my issues and my mistakes and my failures instead of running away from them. I always say that I go where God leads me and right now He has led me to stay. And I trust Him!
2 Corinthians 2:14
But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere.
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Give And It Will Be Given To You
Sometimes I look back at what I write and I am inspired. Other times I am embarrassed. I get caught up in the moment sometimes and I write from a completely emotional in-the-moment place. It happens.
Recently in a moment of weakness I wrote about an old love that had returned to my life who is now no longer in my life. It is painful in some respects to read what I wrote about him and the hope I had for our relationship. But as time went on it became glaringly obvious that our relationship was never going to work out and reading about how I felt in that moment will help me remember what happened. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.
I am an extremely giving person. I enjoy giving. I love to do things that no one expects like grossly over-tipping a waiter or waitress. Just thinking about the look on their face when they see the tip amount brings me joy! I know that sounds crazy, but its true. I love picking up the check or treating people to a meal that they expected to have to pay for themselves. That too brings me a lot of joy.
I love to buy people things that they don't expect or send flowers or throw them a huge birthday party! I am a giver. So it takes me a while to realize when someone is taking advantage of me because it is in my nature to give. I give as part of my tithe. I give because I'm introverted and its how I show love to people that I can't always say "I Love You" to.
I give knowing I will get nothing in return, because people are selfish. I know this and I'm OK with it, but there is a fine line between giving and allowing someone to take advantage of you repeatedly and nothing hurts me more than being taking advantage of repeatedly. I may never tell the person that I am upset or hurt by it, but I will silently pull away from that person and never trust them again. I never said I was perfect! :0)
In closing let me say that I don't regret being a giver and I won't stop, no matter how many people take advantage of me because I love to make people smile. I love to surprise people. And I feel led to give!
Luke 6:38 says:
"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Recently in a moment of weakness I wrote about an old love that had returned to my life who is now no longer in my life. It is painful in some respects to read what I wrote about him and the hope I had for our relationship. But as time went on it became glaringly obvious that our relationship was never going to work out and reading about how I felt in that moment will help me remember what happened. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.
I am an extremely giving person. I enjoy giving. I love to do things that no one expects like grossly over-tipping a waiter or waitress. Just thinking about the look on their face when they see the tip amount brings me joy! I know that sounds crazy, but its true. I love picking up the check or treating people to a meal that they expected to have to pay for themselves. That too brings me a lot of joy.
I love to buy people things that they don't expect or send flowers or throw them a huge birthday party! I am a giver. So it takes me a while to realize when someone is taking advantage of me because it is in my nature to give. I give as part of my tithe. I give because I'm introverted and its how I show love to people that I can't always say "I Love You" to.
I give knowing I will get nothing in return, because people are selfish. I know this and I'm OK with it, but there is a fine line between giving and allowing someone to take advantage of you repeatedly and nothing hurts me more than being taking advantage of repeatedly. I may never tell the person that I am upset or hurt by it, but I will silently pull away from that person and never trust them again. I never said I was perfect! :0)
In closing let me say that I don't regret being a giver and I won't stop, no matter how many people take advantage of me because I love to make people smile. I love to surprise people. And I feel led to give!
Luke 6:38 says:
"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
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