Love Thy Neighbor

Its no secret that I can not stand my neighbors. They throw parties all the time, waking me up in the middle of the night. The one interaction I had with the man of the house was him telling me very rudely to move my truck that was parked in front of his house. I had been parking there because someone broke into that house and it was vacant. I had no way of knowing he bought it and was moving in. I have even had to call the police on them for being too loud. They mow their lawn once a year. Literally.

My neighbors became all I thought about. I learned their names. I found their Facebook. Where their kids went to school. Where they work. There is way too much information available online. I thought of ways to anonymously mess with them. Let's just say I have a devious mind. Ask my ex-husbands. They became the object of my obsession and I was filled with hatred for them. Its all I thought about.

That's when I realized that when you allow hatred to fill you up, there is no room for anything else. Its a sickness. Its not like love. With love you are open ended. By this I mean that I can love and still have room for my life and still have room for my work and still have lots of room for what ever else I need, but with hatred its like you are bursting at the seems, unable to let anything else in. So today I had to pop that blister and let the hatred ooze out of me because with it there I can think of nothing else.

The reality is that aside from the party where I called the cops my neighbors have done nothing to me to make my life any different. Its the way I am dealing with it that makes it bigger than it is and that's just nonsense to me. I have had bouts of hatred before with people in my life and I always end up learning about myself through them so for that of course I just have to thank the Lord. Its not easy to admit these things. Its not easy to say yes I'm a bad person and sometimes I hate people and it is dam sure not easy to let it all go when they are still there, but this life we are living is about us. Its about our lessons. Our life. Our successes. Our failures. Nothing else.

I'm just so thankful that I always have God to come back to and He always makes me so accountable. All I have to do is seek God and suddenly my life gets back on track. I am so flawed, but with God's help I am whole! And He is there for all of us, not just me. Not just the people in church on Sundays, but for all of us no matter where we are in life and that's why I write about these things that are real. Because I am real and with Jesus I am complete.      

So today I will love my neighbor as myself. And tomorrow. And every day after that because that is what God wants me to do.

Mark 12:28-31
And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

Walking With Jesus

Today is not the best day I've ever had. No sleep last night makes me tired and weepy. I went for a walk and it was like going to church. The Lord always ministers to me when I'm listening to music and suddenly the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders and I don't feel all alone. I feel strongly that Jesus was walking with me, so I was sure to walk close to the edge of the sidewalk so I could give Him room.

It is not easy caring for an elderly person. To watch someone you love so much decline so quickly is really rough. I think of all the times she was there for me and my siblings, taking us to the doctor and caring for us and worrying over us; driving us all over the state for every activity we were in and supporting us unconditionally. 

I'm sad that she didn't have Jesus to help her actually. If she had, not only would our lives all be different, but hers would have been drastically different as well. But someone was helping her because her and dad managed to raise 4 pretty amazing kids who may not all be rock stars, but we aren't serial murderers either so they did something right. And to have the lack of parenting they had and raise 4 somewhat normal kids tells me that someone was watching out for them and I can only assume it was Jesus. God. Lord. What ever you want to call Him.

God was there with my parents every step of the way whether they went to church or not, or openly proclaimed their faith or not. He still loved them and all of us, unconditionally. The same way my parents did me and I do with my girls and my grandbabies.

So God has been there all along. I just never noticed Him and that's really sad. Its like a complete stranger leaving you a big pouch of money on your doorstep and you just pick it up and deposit it and use it and never thank Him for it. That money helps you care for your family and make your life easier and you never once say thank you, but He keeps giving it to you. And you keep taking it.

Lord please forgive me for all those times I never thanked you for being there for me and picking up the pieces and making my life easier! And thank you for walking with me today!