The best words I can use to describe the past month are closure and clarity. I think sometimes when mercury goes retrograde it is to help us resolve things from our past and that could not have been more true in so many different aspects over the past month.
It all started with a particular work project that had been lingering.....I hadn't worked on it because it was something I was intimidated by and then like a LIGHTENING BOLT literally I got this idea for resolving the issue I had had that would give me some traction on the project and I did a proof of concept and BAM. It worked! Problem solved. After months of pondering the best way to solve this issue.
Then in my personal life, I had been holding on to this one person thinking that over time we might start talking again and could perhaps have a relationship again, but I realized that ship has sailed and holding on to him and his entire family was the worse thing I could do, so I let them all go. Of course he had no clue I was still holding on, but still letting him go let me close that chapter and it gave me a new freedom I can't express.
I am learning to cope with caring for my 80 year old mother better than I ever imagined and I now see why she is still alive. I have often wondered why she didn't die from a broken heart after dad died, but I now know it was because she had to be here for me. I am so thankful to have the honor of spending so much time with this woman and really getting to know her better. I always felt like dad and I spoke the same language, like I never had to tell him how I felt because he already knew. I feel that with my brother as well, but it was not like that with mom and now I understand her so much better.
Today after visiting a psychic I learned that I may have been her mom in a past life. This explains so much to me. I have always felt this overwhelming need to take care of her especially after dad died. I will say to myself if anyone hurts her I will hurt them and I don't feel that way for anyone except my kids, so to hear this today just kind of puts everything into perspective. I'm always searching for new ways to help mom with the spirits who are always around her bugging her so much and I may have found the answer today with some Tingsha cymbals. I'm so happy about this. When we use them, the spirits around her become silent.
I walked tonight and the entire time listened to Jeremy Camp and I just felt elevated to a new level. This is where the clarity comes in. It is in these moments I feel closest to Jesus and it made me want to write about my experiences over the past few months because I have been struggling so much with life and trying to find happiness and joy and peace and just falling short of that over and over, but today I found joy. In a crazy little hole in the wall shop called The Miracles of Joy as I watched my mother smile while talking to a psychic. I found happiness watching my 2 year old granddaughter say music...music over and over until I turned on the music so she could dance and I found peace in my new Tingsha cymbals as I used them over and over today to clear my space. Today the psychic I spoke with told me to trust my gut because I have an army of support around me and I'm beginning to believe him.
Nothing is an accident and everything that happens is a lesson to us. The past few months have been so difficult, but if I had to go through all that to get here I would gladly do it again and again! And every single time I endure, Jesus waits for me on the other side like a beacon in the night. Thank God for Him and for this amazing life I am so honored to live!!!
